In tested mental
capabilities, I'm HEAVILY geared for analysis/synthesis, and that capability comes
with a ton of native "horsepower". Which naturally means I look at
things around me, analyze, re-think, and envision alternate ways of doing
anything. That's me. That's how I see the world every minute. I analyze,
I pull things apart in my head, and see if there's another way to put them back
together that might be better for at least some purpose than the way things are
now. And truthfully, there are always ways to improve things.
But I'm not a tin-pot
dictator in some third-world country with the self-awarded title of
"Colonel", wearing a cute quasi-military uniform I designed for
myself. And no, I don't even have those darling aviator "shades". So
I can't order anyone to follow my ideas and threaten them with torture for
failing to understand me. Not even within my own business. I have to use words
to illustrate and define my ideas, and make my thoughts understandable to and
for those who must then help plan the implementation and carry out my ideas and
goals.
I was an English Lit major
in college, and compared to my peers in the department, writing was a strength.
But as an adult, even though interpersonal communication seems like something I
should be able to do in my sleep, it has been so often a botch-job that I
learned to dread meetings. Not that my efforts always seem so
"botched" by others, but that so rarely does any real depth of my
intent get across the Great Divide.
As part of my continuing
studies of the Autism/Aspergers spectrum, I have learned to understand some of
the communications differences between those of us who are
"Spectrumites" (my newly-minted term) to those who are
"Neuro-typical", or "N/T's" (let's call them "En-Ty's",
for short). And yes, there is a sort
of code-book situation going on. A horrifying one from the vantage point of
those of us on the spectrum.
In verbal conversations,
most "En-Ty" brains absorb the words they hear as only part of the context of the situation
they hear them in. That context is a very complex compendium of their own
sensory perceptions of the face, body, breath-patterns, vocal and other
'inflections' they perceive from the one who's speaking. From all this, and AS
the words and sensory perceptions come in, they determine what is the most
likely motive that one who would use
such words would have for saying those words in that way in this
situation here and now. THEN, having deduced the true motive behind the words being used, they
determine the true or intended meaning
of the person who just said the words they heard.
Let's recap: first, they
take everything they've mentally and sensorially experienced/noticed/perceived from
the speaker (with the actual words being only a small part of the total input);
from the total received intake they then they deduce a motive for the
communication; THEN they determine what the true
or intended meaning of the comment was ... from the motive and perceptions of delivery they just deduced.
EnTy's do all this
instantly, and most of them don't even have a clue that this is the process
they use to give meaning to the words they hear. It truly is an amazing bit of
mental gymnastics, exceeding the capability of a quad-core computer chip in
near-instantaneous processing speed. Brains can be marvelous devices, you know.
But there is a horrific part
in all this for us Spectrumites. We're mostly to COMPLETELY oblivious to all of
this "extra" mental thought-processing. Not because we haven't
bothered to learn it, as so many folks tell us. But because our brains aren't
hard-wired to do it as theirs are. After studying this communications
dissimilarity for a couple years, I can logically understand how it works, but
I cannot possibly apply that knowledge in "real-time". I don't have
the automatic sensor-connection between the parts of the brain that control my
eyes and ears to my "thinking" section that would make all those
data-bits (that don't seem at all inter-connected to my brain) somehow affect
the meaning of the words I hear. In many situations, this action by EnTy's
seems to completely replace the meaning of the literal words with another
"thought" entirely, one in complete opposition to the stated words. I
can't figure out how to do that.
Nor can any EnTy for whom
this is "natural", turn the process off when they're around someone
who doesn't share the ability. In fact, those who do this most strongly are highly likely to insist that they DON'T do any
such thing at all. It is probable
they will take great offense at the
mere implication that they would. And so, they insist we've just made a statement that bears no relation we of the
Spectrum can tell to any words, thoughts, or understanding we've ever had in
our lives. Let alone the words we just said. It's often infuriating to both
sides. What a life, eh?
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